Finally. A moment of quiet.
We’ve just moved into a home. Finally. It has been a whole month’s worth of moving, etc etc etc.
We have completely moved out of our other place, and we are in the new home, but we are still in and out of boxes. I’m anxious to be out of boxes as my sickness for organization is starting to eat away at my planned patience. With a toddler, its tough to find time to do much else than …. Well, run around. Ha!
But today, after finding myself face to face with anxiety (again, after I thought I was through that cloud of darkness about 6 weeks ago) where anything in front of me was in danger of being punted like a football, I decided to just “sit.” Its raining outside – a nice steady shower that our dried up dusty yard has been begging for – and its just that time…for me to just sit and breathe. And realize it doesn’t all have to get done right now.
I’m getting severely anxious as I’ve put my world on hold – again – for the sake of this move – which was necessary and a TRUE BLESSING. But now that we are in, I’m chomping at the bit to get back to my business. Thank goodness my client list is fairly limited to, well, just my mom right now, but I do have several others lined up that are not putting pressure on me, by any means, but I am putting the pressure on myself. And if I could just get through this unpacking stage, I can once again get started, and then cure my need for creative thinking and activity.
In the process of moving, I found some of my old journals from when I was in college. I began to read them like a novel, and I frankly couldn’t put them down. I’m so glad that I was able to revisit those years, because it said so much about who I was and where I have come, or not come, and what I had left behind. Very interesting. Those days were my “crazy” days. Single and free, I was more in touch with my heart and spiritual temperature gauge than I am now, surprisingly. These days, I don’t have time to consider my heart. And that makes me sad. And, well, lonely. Back then, I had time to reflect more about my inner soul, and my walk with the Lord than I do these days. And I had more energy. I was closer to the Lord then than I am now.
But maybe that’s ok because, in some ways, I’m closer to the Lord in other, unexpected areas, because of my marriage and my child, and all the encompasses those around me. But I can feel myself growing closed to many ideas, and becoming ignorant of life and faith. Its that “left behind” feeling again, creeping up on me, that I felt when I moved here.
Its just funny how little things, like not having your home unpacked, can make you feel like you are under 10,000 pounds of bricks.
The rain has stopped. I think my sitting time is up for now. Back to work…. More later…..
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Sixteen Inches
- Head vs Heart
- There are approximately 16 inches between my head and my heart. This distance equals miles of difference between the two. Thus, my struggle....
3 comments:
Hey sister. I hear you. Why is it when everything is going as WE plan it then we are full of faith and praise? I struggle so often with the darker times to understand why I can't seem to find my way out and also find it so hard to be as trusting. It seems to go against what's natural when things are upside down to trust that this is where God has planned for us to be. It's so hard when there's more to take into consideration than just our own little world. It's so easy to grab the wheel and feel in control, but when you have other lives that are affected by your decision, it changes everything. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just an adjustment.
I do love that you took a few moments to just breathe and listen. Pete has been doing a new series called SYNC. www.crosspoint.tv I would definitely recommend listening to some of his messages online. A few have been very powerful. I would also like you to think about finding two or three friends from church, wherever, to connect with and maybe have a weekly session. Do a Bible study, meet for coffee, do both. Whatever, just make that connection. I hate that you are feeling so isolated. Put it on your calendar as if it was a business appointment. You've got to find some people you can trust and "do life" with. I know...sounds kind of crazy coming from me, since I am queen of the homebodies. However, I do get that this is easier said than done.
Keep your chin up, Sharrie. You're business will get cranking and you'll be wondering where all your free time went! I love you girl and can't wait to visit and catch up!
What's your side business if I can be so nosey? :-) Also wanted to tell you to try and be patient w/ yourself....there are so many changes going on in your life (one of the biggest would be having a young one you are responsible for 24/7). take care and be sure to take the time for just you and your hubby to continue to date and invest in your relationship as children come along...look at it as a long term investment....the best thing you can give your child is a good marriage...just my 2 cents worth sitting here as our youngest is about ready to leave the nest for a second time :-)
WOW ... sounds like life is crazy and uncertain at the moment ... I'm sorry firstly ... secondly, I would encourage you to 'take time out' for you more often ... sometimes, just sitting, and pondering, can do a world of good ... not only for you, but for those around you ... and know ... that despite not feeling the closeness you once did to God, He's not far away by any means ... He probably is closer than ever! So, take some time for you ... more often ... and remember, cherish the little things, and moments that make life worth living! Your words are beautiful ... your soul is exquisite! Be blessed and find time to do what you LOVE! Take care beautiful friend! ~Emily
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