Time to Sit

Finally. A moment of quiet.

We’ve just moved into a home. Finally. It has been a whole month’s worth of moving, etc etc etc.

We have completely moved out of our other place, and we are in the new home, but we are still in and out of boxes. I’m anxious to be out of boxes as my sickness for organization is starting to eat away at my planned patience. With a toddler, its tough to find time to do much else than …. Well, run around. Ha!

But today, after finding myself face to face with anxiety (again, after I thought I was through that cloud of darkness about 6 weeks ago) where anything in front of me was in danger of being punted like a football, I decided to just “sit.” Its raining outside – a nice steady shower that our dried up dusty yard has been begging for – and its just that time…for me to just sit and breathe. And realize it doesn’t all have to get done right now.

I’m getting severely anxious as I’ve put my world on hold – again – for the sake of this move – which was necessary and a TRUE BLESSING. But now that we are in, I’m chomping at the bit to get back to my business. Thank goodness my client list is fairly limited to, well, just my mom right now, but I do have several others lined up that are not putting pressure on me, by any means, but I am putting the pressure on myself. And if I could just get through this unpacking stage, I can once again get started, and then cure my need for creative thinking and activity.

In the process of moving, I found some of my old journals from when I was in college. I began to read them like a novel, and I frankly couldn’t put them down. I’m so glad that I was able to revisit those years, because it said so much about who I was and where I have come, or not come, and what I had left behind. Very interesting. Those days were my “crazy” days. Single and free, I was more in touch with my heart and spiritual temperature gauge than I am now, surprisingly. These days, I don’t have time to consider my heart. And that makes me sad. And, well, lonely. Back then, I had time to reflect more about my inner soul, and my walk with the Lord than I do these days. And I had more energy. I was closer to the Lord then than I am now.

But maybe that’s ok because, in some ways, I’m closer to the Lord in other, unexpected areas, because of my marriage and my child, and all the encompasses those around me. But I can feel myself growing closed to many ideas, and becoming ignorant of life and faith. Its that “left behind” feeling again, creeping up on me, that I felt when I moved here.

Its just funny how little things, like not having your home unpacked, can make you feel like you are under 10,000 pounds of bricks.

The rain has stopped. I think my sitting time is up for now. Back to work…. More later…..