Day 5....

I actually read chapter 5 on Thursday morning, but I've needed a few days to (a) find time to write about it, and (b) gather my thoughts.

Chapter 5 ... visualizing our lives through the eyes of God.

My thoughts may deviate from the point of the chapter, but that's only because of an experience I had on Thursday afternoon that I feel tied into this chapter.

I had a service call appointment scheduled for Thursday afternoon from our home alarm company to come out and enter a code into our system. I thought the "need" for someone to come out to our house was odd because I figured it could be as simple as the customer service rep walking me through entering the code myself over the phone. But they insisted someone come out. Little did I know....sometimes (or always??) the Lord makes appointments for you.

Doorbell rang at 2:30 in the afternoon. Surprised me a little because I was supposed to receive a courtesy call prior to the visit to let me know he was on his way. No call, just a ringing doorbell. No problem. Dogs rushed the door to see who the unexpected visitor was. I yelled through the door, asking who it was. "Stephen with _____ Alarm." I opened the door carefully while the dogs pushed their way to him to sniff him out. THey seemed cautious, but not hostile. Good sign, always.

He came inside and nuzzled the dogs, and said not to worry as he has 6 dogs of his own.

He began calling the alarm company, putting our system on "test" until he completed his work. He dug through his paperwork to find the directions to entering the code. "Hmmm," he said, "I think its as simple as entering a code. I hope this trip wasn't an unnecessary charge to you." I replied "I was wondering if I couldn't have done this over the phone. No big deal if that's all it is."

He was young. Maybe 22 or 23 years old. He stood about 5'10'' and maybe 165 lbs. He had short spiky, but stylish black dyed hair. He was handsome in his own way, and very courteous. He smiled shyly. He almost seemed like a "skater" if I can say that, and make sense. I almost expected him to be in pain that he had to wear coveralls and steel toed boots instead of over-sized t-shirt, shorts and Vans shoes.

As he was finishing up his work, he was filling out some final paperwork for the service, I noticed he had a tattoo on the inside of his left wrist. As he was writing, I reached over and gently pushed back his left coverall sleeve. I didn't know how he would take personal contact, so I was cautious. I said "I love your tattoo. The design is incredible."

At the same time, I extended my left arm, pushed back my sleeve, and turned my wrist up, and displayed my tattoo on the inside of my left wrist of a simple Celtic styled cross. "I have something as well in the same place. What does your tattoo represent? Is it symbolic for your faith? or does it have some other sort of meaning??"

The design was obviously of eastern descent. He extended his right wrist at that time and revealed another tattoo. "This one is a Chinese dragon tattoo for love, and my left wrist is a Japanese dragon tattoo for protection. I once had a ______ (I can't remember the word he used, but it was along the line of a prophet...) that said that I have been under a spirit of protection in my life. I should be dead. I should have died many times." He hesitated a moment and looked at my expression to see if cared for him to go on. "I've fallen off buildings, I've had brain surgery, I've been hit by a truck, I've been in fatal car accidents. For some reason, I have been spared, all my life. I'm still around and I'm not really sure why. I know I have a purpose that's greater than I can ever see, and I'm trying to figure it out."

He spoke shyly, as he wasn't sure what my take would be on his statement. I think he didn't want to come on too strong about his beliefs, but I showed him that I was very interested and acceptant.

I mentioned that I had started reading "Purpose Driven Life" and I asked him if he had ever heard of it, or read it. I grabbed the book and set it down in front of him. "I'm really skeptical of books like these." I said. "I am of Christian faith but I'm careful about the books I read, or even way I approach people on it."

"I believe in Christ too," he said, looking down at his feet, as they shifted uncomfortably, "but I've just lost my faith in people. I don't call myself a Christian. I just can't. My grandfather was a fervent Presbyterian minister in one of the top churches in _______ but I saw him live one life away from the church and his family, and live another life when in front of his wife, kids and congregation. My mother went crazy when I was 9, and my father, who was a traveling musician had to come home off the road and rescue me from her. He took me on the road with him, and I saw a life that I should never have seen. I just lost my faith in people as they lived double lives before my eyes. Many say one thing, and live another. Since those days, I haven't lived the most purest life of my own. I've been down so many dark paths. I've lived through it, and now I'm understanding that because I've been spared, I need to seek the bigger picture and get off this track."

"Well..." I said, looking him in the eye, "so many people like you, Stephen, are not as open to a pure polished Christian faith approach. They feel its untouchable and unaccepting of anything they have ever done or anywhere that they have been. I am a Christian, but I am as they are - repellent of fluff and polish, and I haven't lived a pure life either. I don't like to push my faith on anyone. I'd rather just show people through love, and reality. I think that touches people more than a "going to hell in a hand basket" speech. Stephen, you've been spared. You've been through hell. And you still believe. You have a purpose greater than you know - and maybe its just to smile and say hi to someone walking down the street, or give a crying child a hug, or just open the door for someone who needs help. Maybe your purpose is to just 'be' available for God to use your story for those who hurt like you did. You just never know...but stay open. Keep thinking and praying. Its out there. You are definitely called. There is no doubt about that."

After speaking for a few more minutes, he finished up and left. We had made an interesting connection that neither one of us were expecting. He touched my life, and hopefully I was able to touch his. Sometimes you just never know...... He wasn't really supposed to come to my house that day, but for some reason the alarm company screwed up and he did. And maybe he has a different perspective on things. I know I do.

Its hard to understand how God looks at people, and understand that we should try to look through "God's eyes" as if he is looking from our inside out. His Word teaches us how to love and live and that's how we should learn to use his vision. You just never know who you will touch, and how - and you may never even know that you do it. But you will find out in Heaven....those are the rewards of kindness. The Lord pays attention to each one of us - so why should we neglect to concentrate on the importance of others - for example, God knows all our names, so why shouldn't we try to remember the names of the people that we meet? I know its hard, but all we are called to do is to put effort into it, right? To put love and effort into relationships, whether close or not?

Heading back to the chapter..... it asks how you view your life? What metaphor would best encompass your life? This is cliche, I know, but I see mine as a long journey. Everything is taken into account on a journey - the vehicle, the weather, the stops a long the way, the scenery, the hills, the valleys and rough terrain, the people you meet at the different stops.

I understand what the book speaks about when the Lord is silent. I experienced a rough terrained time period like this about 4 years ago. This was oddest time in my life. I don't remember a more "growing" time in my life than the time that the Lord decided to not say one single word for about a year. I didn't know that He was capable of this. I didn't know that He would ever REALLY be silent, and then next thing I knew I was "alone."

I knew He was there with me though - just watching. During that period of time, I was more keen to His spirit presence than ever, but I also had never had a period of time in my life that I made more mistakes than then. I've never been more numb to my mistakes as well, which is why I think I kept making the same horrible mistakes over and over. But He allowed me to sin. He allowed me to keep going. He was silent through the whole thing. I knew that He was there, watching, crying, praying over me, protecting me - but still He never spoke. I knew that I was going to climb out of the valley eventually with a huge burden of sin on my shoulders, but also with a world of experience that He was going to use later. I emerged, heavy laden and shamed at the end of about a year , and when I climbed out, I was greeted by my best friend who became my husband. He told me that if I hadn't have gone through what I did, I wouldn't have been seasoned enough to be his wife. The timing was impeccable, and we fell in love, knowing all the we had been through as individuals, and our faults brought us together, totally accepting and loving and forgiving of each other's pasts. God used that silent time for me to find my lifelong soul mate and husband. And He's still using my past to reach those like Stephen.

I didn't pass the tests of life during the time in my life. I failed consistently. I gave in always. And I shamed myself countless times. But He still used me. He has purpose to each plan. He already knows what path we choose, even before we knew we had paths to be chosen from. And He uses our mistakes for his eternal purpose. I think that's the amazing part about being a fallible human. I can't go back to change my past, and if I could, I wouldn't. I am now able to see my life through the eyes of God, and He's teaching me new perspectives every day.