I don't know where you all stand politically - and I'm not really sure how to not alienate my readers in these weird political times - But I do need to comment....
If (and I believe "when" unfortunately, as prophecy continues to be fulfilled) Obama gets into office, we are in for some big trouble, my Christian Friends. I'm not saying its the 'beginning of the end' as I believe that's been in the works for a while, but its definitely proof that we are smack in the middle of something big and bad - and let's continue to hold on tight. Don't lose faith, nor heart, and keep your eyes and ears open. Its worse than you think. Don't waver from your faith foundation, for as the Word says "Wherever the corpse is, there the vultures will gather." If ever a time to strengthen your knowledge in the Word, its NOW.
Love and prayers to you all.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Discipline
I've had one of the hardest days today with my son. He is almost 2 and he's well advanced in the defiance stage.
He has this thing about kicking our dogs. He thinks its funny. Its not. They will bite him if he does it enough. We've been trying to learn the best way(s) to correct him, but no way has been effective yet. Usually we give him a warning, and then put him in his bed with no toys. TOnight after that didn't work, I tried to just pick him up and force him to sit in my lap for time out. He believes that he is stronger than me and that if he writhes enough, I'll give in. I didn't give in, but for 15 minutes he cried, and screamed and writhed. I got my work out in, for sure. And he kicked the hell out of my pregnant stomach. I can't even tell you how sore I am....
I had to pop him earlier today, and I cried when I did because I hurt him. He is vehemently opposed to having his diaper changed. I don't know why. Its unreal. But when I carry him to his room to change him, he fights me, and hits and kicks me (again, in my stomach.....I'm so scared he's going to make me lose my baby). Once I lay him down on his changer, he kicks me - HARD. I press his legs down and tell him 'no' and say "stop kicking. No kicking, no hitting!" He does know the word 'no' but he blatantly refuses. Sometimes I try to make a game out of the changing and say "Look how fast we can change you!!!!!" He kicked me so hard today, I raised up his bare bottom and popped him hard with a big "NO!" After he looked at me with scared, hurt eyes of "mommy.....what? why?" he started crying so hard, and I started crying with him. I hugged him and said "I'm sorry but you cannot do that!" Thank God he was my friend a few moments later.... but I was so scared that he would push me away, that he wouldn't think that I love him with all my heart.
I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm doing this right.
He has this thing about kicking our dogs. He thinks its funny. Its not. They will bite him if he does it enough. We've been trying to learn the best way(s) to correct him, but no way has been effective yet. Usually we give him a warning, and then put him in his bed with no toys. TOnight after that didn't work, I tried to just pick him up and force him to sit in my lap for time out. He believes that he is stronger than me and that if he writhes enough, I'll give in. I didn't give in, but for 15 minutes he cried, and screamed and writhed. I got my work out in, for sure. And he kicked the hell out of my pregnant stomach. I can't even tell you how sore I am....
I had to pop him earlier today, and I cried when I did because I hurt him. He is vehemently opposed to having his diaper changed. I don't know why. Its unreal. But when I carry him to his room to change him, he fights me, and hits and kicks me (again, in my stomach.....I'm so scared he's going to make me lose my baby). Once I lay him down on his changer, he kicks me - HARD. I press his legs down and tell him 'no' and say "stop kicking. No kicking, no hitting!" He does know the word 'no' but he blatantly refuses. Sometimes I try to make a game out of the changing and say "Look how fast we can change you!!!!!" He kicked me so hard today, I raised up his bare bottom and popped him hard with a big "NO!" After he looked at me with scared, hurt eyes of "mommy.....what? why?" he started crying so hard, and I started crying with him. I hugged him and said "I'm sorry but you cannot do that!" Thank God he was my friend a few moments later.... but I was so scared that he would push me away, that he wouldn't think that I love him with all my heart.
I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm doing this right.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Parents' Prayer
Its been so hard these days to find help for me with my little one. I need a break, and for some reason, a break hasn't been granted, as I just simply cannot find help in this small town. Soon enough, I suppose.
In the meantime, my mother-in-law sent me this really beautiful prayer last week that I've just now had a chance to sit and read over. Its one of the best prayers I've ever read and it hits my nail on the head today:
In the meantime, my mother-in-law sent me this really beautiful prayer last week that I've just now had a chance to sit and read over. Its one of the best prayers I've ever read and it hits my nail on the head today:
Most Loving Father, the example of parenthood,
You have entrusted our children to us to bring them up for you
And prepare them for everlasting life.
Assist us with your grace,
That we may fulfill this sacred duty with competence and love.
Teach us what to give and what to withhold.
Show us when to reprove, when to praise, and when to be silent.
Make us gentle and considerate
Yet firm and watchful.
Keep us from the weakness of indulgence and the excess of severity.
Give us the courage to be disliked sometimes by our children
When we must do necessary things which are displeasing in their eyes.
Give us the imagination to enter their world in order to understand and to guide them.
Grant us all the virtues we need to lead them by word and example,
In the ways of wisdom and piety.
One day, with them, may we enter into the joys
Of our true and lasting home with you in heaven.
Amen.
You have entrusted our children to us to bring them up for you
And prepare them for everlasting life.
Assist us with your grace,
That we may fulfill this sacred duty with competence and love.
Teach us what to give and what to withhold.
Show us when to reprove, when to praise, and when to be silent.
Make us gentle and considerate
Yet firm and watchful.
Keep us from the weakness of indulgence and the excess of severity.
Give us the courage to be disliked sometimes by our children
When we must do necessary things which are displeasing in their eyes.
Give us the imagination to enter their world in order to understand and to guide them.
Grant us all the virtues we need to lead them by word and example,
In the ways of wisdom and piety.
One day, with them, may we enter into the joys
Of our true and lasting home with you in heaven.
Amen.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Cars
My 21 month old son and I sat down yesterday to watch the Disney movie "Cars." I can tell you, he will never watch that movie - again. I was mortified when Lightning McQueen was running from the cops (first of all), and kicks it in to high-gear to beat a speeding train (most of all).
Are you kidding me? Does Disney not get it by now that they leave such deep impressions on children? I still remember being a child and watching Disney movies intently, leaning on every word and scene. Tragic....simply tragic on our children.
Are you kidding me? Does Disney not get it by now that they leave such deep impressions on children? I still remember being a child and watching Disney movies intently, leaning on every word and scene. Tragic....simply tragic on our children.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Time to Sit
Finally. A moment of quiet.
We’ve just moved into a home. Finally. It has been a whole month’s worth of moving, etc etc etc.
We have completely moved out of our other place, and we are in the new home, but we are still in and out of boxes. I’m anxious to be out of boxes as my sickness for organization is starting to eat away at my planned patience. With a toddler, its tough to find time to do much else than …. Well, run around. Ha!
But today, after finding myself face to face with anxiety (again, after I thought I was through that cloud of darkness about 6 weeks ago) where anything in front of me was in danger of being punted like a football, I decided to just “sit.” Its raining outside – a nice steady shower that our dried up dusty yard has been begging for – and its just that time…for me to just sit and breathe. And realize it doesn’t all have to get done right now.
I’m getting severely anxious as I’ve put my world on hold – again – for the sake of this move – which was necessary and a TRUE BLESSING. But now that we are in, I’m chomping at the bit to get back to my business. Thank goodness my client list is fairly limited to, well, just my mom right now, but I do have several others lined up that are not putting pressure on me, by any means, but I am putting the pressure on myself. And if I could just get through this unpacking stage, I can once again get started, and then cure my need for creative thinking and activity.
In the process of moving, I found some of my old journals from when I was in college. I began to read them like a novel, and I frankly couldn’t put them down. I’m so glad that I was able to revisit those years, because it said so much about who I was and where I have come, or not come, and what I had left behind. Very interesting. Those days were my “crazy” days. Single and free, I was more in touch with my heart and spiritual temperature gauge than I am now, surprisingly. These days, I don’t have time to consider my heart. And that makes me sad. And, well, lonely. Back then, I had time to reflect more about my inner soul, and my walk with the Lord than I do these days. And I had more energy. I was closer to the Lord then than I am now.
But maybe that’s ok because, in some ways, I’m closer to the Lord in other, unexpected areas, because of my marriage and my child, and all the encompasses those around me. But I can feel myself growing closed to many ideas, and becoming ignorant of life and faith. Its that “left behind” feeling again, creeping up on me, that I felt when I moved here.
Its just funny how little things, like not having your home unpacked, can make you feel like you are under 10,000 pounds of bricks.
The rain has stopped. I think my sitting time is up for now. Back to work…. More later…..
We’ve just moved into a home. Finally. It has been a whole month’s worth of moving, etc etc etc.
We have completely moved out of our other place, and we are in the new home, but we are still in and out of boxes. I’m anxious to be out of boxes as my sickness for organization is starting to eat away at my planned patience. With a toddler, its tough to find time to do much else than …. Well, run around. Ha!
But today, after finding myself face to face with anxiety (again, after I thought I was through that cloud of darkness about 6 weeks ago) where anything in front of me was in danger of being punted like a football, I decided to just “sit.” Its raining outside – a nice steady shower that our dried up dusty yard has been begging for – and its just that time…for me to just sit and breathe. And realize it doesn’t all have to get done right now.
I’m getting severely anxious as I’ve put my world on hold – again – for the sake of this move – which was necessary and a TRUE BLESSING. But now that we are in, I’m chomping at the bit to get back to my business. Thank goodness my client list is fairly limited to, well, just my mom right now, but I do have several others lined up that are not putting pressure on me, by any means, but I am putting the pressure on myself. And if I could just get through this unpacking stage, I can once again get started, and then cure my need for creative thinking and activity.
In the process of moving, I found some of my old journals from when I was in college. I began to read them like a novel, and I frankly couldn’t put them down. I’m so glad that I was able to revisit those years, because it said so much about who I was and where I have come, or not come, and what I had left behind. Very interesting. Those days were my “crazy” days. Single and free, I was more in touch with my heart and spiritual temperature gauge than I am now, surprisingly. These days, I don’t have time to consider my heart. And that makes me sad. And, well, lonely. Back then, I had time to reflect more about my inner soul, and my walk with the Lord than I do these days. And I had more energy. I was closer to the Lord then than I am now.
But maybe that’s ok because, in some ways, I’m closer to the Lord in other, unexpected areas, because of my marriage and my child, and all the encompasses those around me. But I can feel myself growing closed to many ideas, and becoming ignorant of life and faith. Its that “left behind” feeling again, creeping up on me, that I felt when I moved here.
Its just funny how little things, like not having your home unpacked, can make you feel like you are under 10,000 pounds of bricks.
The rain has stopped. I think my sitting time is up for now. Back to work…. More later…..
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Another move
Hey all, I apologize that I've been gone so much lately! Life has had me in an uproar. All is good, thank God, but we are on the 'move' again. We finally found a home, and we are going to be moving our world about 5 miles. Last year at this time, we moved 300 miles, so this move SHOULD be a drop in the bucket.
I'll be back soon!! Until then, be blessed. I won't be gone all that long.
I'll be back soon!! Until then, be blessed. I won't be gone all that long.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Music Meme
I got this "meme" from Maria at Just Eat Your Cupcake blog. She's a smart ass and I love her. So I decided this one looked fun, and so I did it, whether I really had the time to or not. ((I didn't, but what the heck...I needed some me time.)
Here's how to do it: Put your ipod on shuffle and press next for each question. Write down the song that's playing as an answer.
1) How would you describe yourself?
Green Eyes by Coldplay – Well, I don’t have green eyes. At all. Not even in a different light. They are black brown. Just about as dark as can be. BUT…this happens to be one of my favorite songs on my whole list of tune selections. When I thought I might try to break out as an artist, I wanted to cover this song, country-pop style. But it is odd – every lyric that was sang is what my hubby has said to me at some point or another – even before he heard the song – except for the “green eyes” part….
2) What do you like in a guy/girl?
“Come Away With Me” by Norah Jones – You mean, MY guy…. He’s not as sentimental as this song, but the “I want to walk with you on a cloudy day, where all the yellow grass grows knee high” and such is proverbial for our marriage. I love this song. Its just the classic love song. In fact, I’ve sang it at 2 weddings.
3) What is your motto?
“Oh Atlanta” by Alison Kraus & Union Station – “Same old place, same old city. What can I do, I’m falling in love… Oh Atlanta, I hear you calling, I’m heading back to YOuuuuu one fine day” MMMMMMM!!!!! This song is delicious! I love Atlanta, and I love this song!
4) What do your friends think of you?
“A Clean Pair of Eyes” by David Gray – This is an interesting irony. I should hope that my friends feel that I have a clean pair of eyes – a forgiving heart and ofference of a new clean start after blemished situation. The song actually is a prayer to God to be able to see with a clean pair of eyes following a mass of dreams that speak of fear, silence and doubt. In another aspect, maybe my friends think that I can be one that continues to hope for good things following negative news?? Now I’m reaching….
5) What do you think about often?
“Gravity” by Coldplay – You know, I thought that Gravity songs by John Mayer or Alison Kraus really fit more my style of thinking. And I’ve never really listened to the words of this song as much as I did the melody. But today I listened. And I cried. I see it as a song about the ultimate love, and then the tragic turn of losing the one you love to death – how you are pulled together through the gravity of love, and the only thing that can pull you apart is the gravity of death. If you do not have this song in your itunes collection, you must get it. It will set your mood. Its absolutely, absolutely….beautiful.
6) What do your parents think of you?
“Hurricane” by Mindy Smith – Wow…what a day to concentrate on the lyrics of the songs I really dig. I don’t know if this pertains to how my parents think of me, but this is such a beautiful song as well. If the lyrics were anything descriptive of hurricane, they could probably think this of me when I was about 18. But this is another song about loss and leaving, and the troubles of moving on. In this song, it would be best for a hurricane, or something of a natural force of destruction, force her to move on with her life, as she hasn’t the strength to move herself. Another good one for the lonely tune list. And what a VOICE……..what a voice. My dear friend Amanda has this voice on steroids, and every time I hear Mindy, I think of Amanda. I hope you are still singing, Amanda….
7) What do you think of your best friend?
“Bleeders” by the Wallflowers – Nah, Joe doesn’t “bleed” easy. I bleed much easier than he does. Emotionally, not physically.
8) What do you think of the person you like?
“Within You” by Ray LaMontagne – The only lyrics to this song is “War is not the answer, the answer is within you. Love, Love…..” Ironic selection. This has been his lesson of the year.
9) What do you want to be when you grow up?
“Sexy Ladies” by Justin Timberlake
Just the fact that I have this song means that I haven’t grown up – you may as well consider me a 14 year old girl because I have a little JT in my collection. But what can I say… I dig his stuff. And Joey and I like to dance to it. But yes, when I grow up, maybe I’ll finally be a “sexy lady.”
10) What do you think when you see the person you like?
“Fumbling Toward Ecstasy” by Sara McLachlin – Another ironic selection. The person I “like” of course is the one I love – my husband. There is fear hidden in love, at times. Fear and love are opposites, yet they intertwine. And I still have fears within our love, and yes, we fumble with each other towards the ecstasy of finding our love. We are in love, yet, it grows as fears are destroyed, one by one.
11) What song will they play at your wedding?
“Cold Water” by Damien Rice
Considering I’ve already had my wedding, and this song was not on the satellite radio mix going on in the background of our little reception, it SHOULD have been played…if you know what I mean.
12) What will they play at your funeral?
“Tripping Billies” by the Dave Matthews Band - “Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die….”
13) What is your hobby/interest?
“If you could only see” by Tonic – the only thing hobbyish about this song for me is singing it. I love this song. Who doesn’t?
14) What is your biggest fear?
“Crash Into Me” by the Dave Matthews Band – well, you know. It’s a fear. I don’t like car accidents …. Or tornados.
15) What is your biggest secret?
“Turn Me On” by Norah Jones.
Getting a little personal, are we now??
16) What do you think of your friends?
“Slave Song” by Sade.
This doesn’t fit AT ALL.
17) What is your theme song?
“These Arms of Mine” by Otis Redding – Yearning for my man, only. And my baby boy. I gotta have hugs from my mens.
18) What do you think of your family?
“White Christmas” by Dean Martin – Ok, so this is my lone Christmas album in my itunes selection and somehow out of 1500+ songs, WHITE DAMN CHRISTMAS pops in on the list. I guess it kind of fits though. I like Christmas with my family. I love it, in fact. ☺ I’ll take a White Christmas right here. Perfect fit.
19) What is your best friend's theme song?
“Kind and Generous” by Natalie Merchant – this would be my man. ☺ I couldn’t’ think of a more perfect song….!
20) What is your mood right now?
“Everytime You Say Goodbye” by Alison Kraus and Union Station. – “There's a restless feeling knocking at my door today
There's a shadow hanging 'round my garden gate” I have been feeling VERY restless lately. I need a break. Bad. I need to have some “me” time, some away time. I need to recharge my battery. YES, this is my mood.
21) If your heart could talk what would it say?
“Hurricane Waters” by Citizen Cope – “I will carry you through the hurricane waters, And I'll remember you in the blue skies.” My sentiments exactly.
22) What do your co-workers think of you?
“Piano Concerto No. 1 in B flat minor Opus 23” by Tchiakovsky – complicated and clumsy? Yeah, probably – but I don’t have any co-workers so its all good.
23) What does your future look like?
“Harder to Breathe” by Maroon 5
hmmm…. Probably some truth to this, but I’m always hoping that it will be easier to breathe, metaphorically speaking. But as I get older physically, you know how the body gets. At least I don’t smoke.
Here's how to do it: Put your ipod on shuffle and press next for each question. Write down the song that's playing as an answer.
1) How would you describe yourself?
Green Eyes by Coldplay – Well, I don’t have green eyes. At all. Not even in a different light. They are black brown. Just about as dark as can be. BUT…this happens to be one of my favorite songs on my whole list of tune selections. When I thought I might try to break out as an artist, I wanted to cover this song, country-pop style. But it is odd – every lyric that was sang is what my hubby has said to me at some point or another – even before he heard the song – except for the “green eyes” part….
2) What do you like in a guy/girl?
“Come Away With Me” by Norah Jones – You mean, MY guy…. He’s not as sentimental as this song, but the “I want to walk with you on a cloudy day, where all the yellow grass grows knee high” and such is proverbial for our marriage. I love this song. Its just the classic love song. In fact, I’ve sang it at 2 weddings.
3) What is your motto?
“Oh Atlanta” by Alison Kraus & Union Station – “Same old place, same old city. What can I do, I’m falling in love… Oh Atlanta, I hear you calling, I’m heading back to YOuuuuu one fine day” MMMMMMM!!!!! This song is delicious! I love Atlanta, and I love this song!
4) What do your friends think of you?
“A Clean Pair of Eyes” by David Gray – This is an interesting irony. I should hope that my friends feel that I have a clean pair of eyes – a forgiving heart and ofference of a new clean start after blemished situation. The song actually is a prayer to God to be able to see with a clean pair of eyes following a mass of dreams that speak of fear, silence and doubt. In another aspect, maybe my friends think that I can be one that continues to hope for good things following negative news?? Now I’m reaching….
5) What do you think about often?
“Gravity” by Coldplay – You know, I thought that Gravity songs by John Mayer or Alison Kraus really fit more my style of thinking. And I’ve never really listened to the words of this song as much as I did the melody. But today I listened. And I cried. I see it as a song about the ultimate love, and then the tragic turn of losing the one you love to death – how you are pulled together through the gravity of love, and the only thing that can pull you apart is the gravity of death. If you do not have this song in your itunes collection, you must get it. It will set your mood. Its absolutely, absolutely….beautiful.
6) What do your parents think of you?
“Hurricane” by Mindy Smith – Wow…what a day to concentrate on the lyrics of the songs I really dig. I don’t know if this pertains to how my parents think of me, but this is such a beautiful song as well. If the lyrics were anything descriptive of hurricane, they could probably think this of me when I was about 18. But this is another song about loss and leaving, and the troubles of moving on. In this song, it would be best for a hurricane, or something of a natural force of destruction, force her to move on with her life, as she hasn’t the strength to move herself. Another good one for the lonely tune list. And what a VOICE……..what a voice. My dear friend Amanda has this voice on steroids, and every time I hear Mindy, I think of Amanda. I hope you are still singing, Amanda….
7) What do you think of your best friend?
“Bleeders” by the Wallflowers – Nah, Joe doesn’t “bleed” easy. I bleed much easier than he does. Emotionally, not physically.
8) What do you think of the person you like?
“Within You” by Ray LaMontagne – The only lyrics to this song is “War is not the answer, the answer is within you. Love, Love…..” Ironic selection. This has been his lesson of the year.
9) What do you want to be when you grow up?
“Sexy Ladies” by Justin Timberlake
Just the fact that I have this song means that I haven’t grown up – you may as well consider me a 14 year old girl because I have a little JT in my collection. But what can I say… I dig his stuff. And Joey and I like to dance to it. But yes, when I grow up, maybe I’ll finally be a “sexy lady.”
10) What do you think when you see the person you like?
“Fumbling Toward Ecstasy” by Sara McLachlin – Another ironic selection. The person I “like” of course is the one I love – my husband. There is fear hidden in love, at times. Fear and love are opposites, yet they intertwine. And I still have fears within our love, and yes, we fumble with each other towards the ecstasy of finding our love. We are in love, yet, it grows as fears are destroyed, one by one.
11) What song will they play at your wedding?
“Cold Water” by Damien Rice
Considering I’ve already had my wedding, and this song was not on the satellite radio mix going on in the background of our little reception, it SHOULD have been played…if you know what I mean.
12) What will they play at your funeral?
“Tripping Billies” by the Dave Matthews Band - “Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die….”
13) What is your hobby/interest?
“If you could only see” by Tonic – the only thing hobbyish about this song for me is singing it. I love this song. Who doesn’t?
14) What is your biggest fear?
“Crash Into Me” by the Dave Matthews Band – well, you know. It’s a fear. I don’t like car accidents …. Or tornados.
15) What is your biggest secret?
“Turn Me On” by Norah Jones.
Getting a little personal, are we now??
16) What do you think of your friends?
“Slave Song” by Sade.
This doesn’t fit AT ALL.
17) What is your theme song?
“These Arms of Mine” by Otis Redding – Yearning for my man, only. And my baby boy. I gotta have hugs from my mens.
18) What do you think of your family?
“White Christmas” by Dean Martin – Ok, so this is my lone Christmas album in my itunes selection and somehow out of 1500+ songs, WHITE DAMN CHRISTMAS pops in on the list. I guess it kind of fits though. I like Christmas with my family. I love it, in fact. ☺ I’ll take a White Christmas right here. Perfect fit.
19) What is your best friend's theme song?
“Kind and Generous” by Natalie Merchant – this would be my man. ☺ I couldn’t’ think of a more perfect song….!
20) What is your mood right now?
“Everytime You Say Goodbye” by Alison Kraus and Union Station. – “There's a restless feeling knocking at my door today
There's a shadow hanging 'round my garden gate” I have been feeling VERY restless lately. I need a break. Bad. I need to have some “me” time, some away time. I need to recharge my battery. YES, this is my mood.
21) If your heart could talk what would it say?
“Hurricane Waters” by Citizen Cope – “I will carry you through the hurricane waters, And I'll remember you in the blue skies.” My sentiments exactly.
22) What do your co-workers think of you?
“Piano Concerto No. 1 in B flat minor Opus 23” by Tchiakovsky – complicated and clumsy? Yeah, probably – but I don’t have any co-workers so its all good.
23) What does your future look like?
“Harder to Breathe” by Maroon 5
hmmm…. Probably some truth to this, but I’m always hoping that it will be easier to breathe, metaphorically speaking. But as I get older physically, you know how the body gets. At least I don’t smoke.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Thomas, my twin.
I've been wanting to do little studies on each one of Jesus' disciples for a while now. My inspiration to do so came when my mother-in-law, who is a devout Catholic, gave us one of those "Catholic Family Appointment Calendars" back in January. Its been sitting so patiently on my desk, leaning up on the back hutch, until I could conjure up the right timing, and further inspiration to ponder and write.
Within the calendar, each month spotlights a different disciple. Perfectly appropriate as, of course, there were 12 of them.
I received further inspiration to research these chosen few just this past Sunday, when in church, the message was about Thomas. I didn't catch the message clearly, as my son was my main focal point in the cry room, of which we frequent. ( I often wonder why we go to church anyway these days, as when I DO go, I chase around my son, and hardly hear one word of the message. I suppose we go for weeks like this past, huh, where I catch a few lines that linger in my mind enough to research and reflect. Makes the cry room worth its weight in gold, now, I suppose.)
Now, as I began digging tonight, I came across a thought that I've never realized before. These chose few were often referred to as one of two definitions: either as a DISCIPLE, or an APOSTLE. I never realized that these two things are actually exact opposites. A disciple is a follower, and an apostle is a leader. This may have been taught to many of you, and probably a well known fact, but my logic tells me that they were anointed as apostles following the ascent of Christ, as they were told to "go forth."
Anyway, Thomas was an interesting character. The Bible doesn't really go into much discussion about who he is or where he is from, but interestingly enough, in this day and time, that doesn't matter, as that makes it easier to apply his character to - well, frankly, anyone living in this era. Just by the comments that we hear him say in the Word, we can tell that he is a well-read man. He is one that is book smart. He is head smart. He has to have written word and a consequential visual to trust. He is essentially unwilling to leap out in blind faith. He was a pessimist at best, trying without really "trying" to shed a shadow of negativity and impossibility on every idea or concept.
I felt right at home reading his quote "Master, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?" when Christ said that He would be leaving them to prepare them a place, and when He said "I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. Where I am going, you know the way."
Jesus' gentle response was a simple "Thomas, I am THE WAY. You don't have to know a "way" because you are looking at the way. I'm the only way you need to know. And my WAY is truth and life. All else is false, death and only lead you to destruction. Why should you wander any other way, when I'm the only path you need to take. Keep your eyes upon Me."
When Jesus appeared to his disciples after his death and resurrection, Thomas was missing from the gathering. When the other disciples told Thomas of Christ's visitation, he wasn't impressed, and said "I'll believe it when I see Him and I can touch Him and know He's real."
A few days later, he had the chance to be face to face with Christ, and it was obvious that Christ was forgiving of Thomas' doubt, as he placed Thomas' hands on his nail wounds to show him, basically saying "Thomas, why do you doubt me? Why do you doubt my words? Why do you doubt my love? You lack faith."
God has forgiveness for lack of faith. He proved that with Thomas. That gives us a bit of a safety net, I believe, as we are human, and we are susceptible to doubt. But that doesn't give us an excuse to look down from the high wire. The net of forgiveness is there, but we still need to get across to the other side of the wire. There is a reason why we are told to "not look down" as when we do, we lose the focal point.
Thomas is my twin. I find myself subconsciously searching for a sign, a proof of existence if you will. One moment, I'm good with not knowing what is to come. The next, I feel myself believing that I will step off the side of the earth if I can't see what is in front of me. Thomas was one who constantly struggled with the ultimate struggle regarding faith of mankind: the battle between head and heart.
Oh me of little faith. Thank you Lord for forgiving me for constantly doubting You.
I leave you with the lyrics of a song by Nickel Creek called "Doubting Thomas."
What will be left when I've drawn my last breath,
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who know me?
Will I discover a soul-saving love,
Or just the dirt above and below me?
I'm a doubting Thomas.
I took a promise,
But I do not feel safe;
Oh, me of little faith.
Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face,
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward.
If there's a master of death, I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power.
I'm a doubting Thomas.
I can't keep my promises,
Cause I don't know what's safe.
Oh, me of little faith.
Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie?
Can I be lead down a trail of dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die?
Please give me time to decipher the signs,
Please forgive me for the time that I've wasted.
I'm a doubting Thomas,
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothin's safe.
Oh, me of little faith.
Within the calendar, each month spotlights a different disciple. Perfectly appropriate as, of course, there were 12 of them.
I received further inspiration to research these chosen few just this past Sunday, when in church, the message was about Thomas. I didn't catch the message clearly, as my son was my main focal point in the cry room, of which we frequent. ( I often wonder why we go to church anyway these days, as when I DO go, I chase around my son, and hardly hear one word of the message. I suppose we go for weeks like this past, huh, where I catch a few lines that linger in my mind enough to research and reflect. Makes the cry room worth its weight in gold, now, I suppose.)
Now, as I began digging tonight, I came across a thought that I've never realized before. These chose few were often referred to as one of two definitions: either as a DISCIPLE, or an APOSTLE. I never realized that these two things are actually exact opposites. A disciple is a follower, and an apostle is a leader. This may have been taught to many of you, and probably a well known fact, but my logic tells me that they were anointed as apostles following the ascent of Christ, as they were told to "go forth."
Anyway, Thomas was an interesting character. The Bible doesn't really go into much discussion about who he is or where he is from, but interestingly enough, in this day and time, that doesn't matter, as that makes it easier to apply his character to - well, frankly, anyone living in this era. Just by the comments that we hear him say in the Word, we can tell that he is a well-read man. He is one that is book smart. He is head smart. He has to have written word and a consequential visual to trust. He is essentially unwilling to leap out in blind faith. He was a pessimist at best, trying without really "trying" to shed a shadow of negativity and impossibility on every idea or concept.
I felt right at home reading his quote "Master, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?" when Christ said that He would be leaving them to prepare them a place, and when He said "I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. Where I am going, you know the way."
Jesus' gentle response was a simple "Thomas, I am THE WAY. You don't have to know a "way" because you are looking at the way. I'm the only way you need to know. And my WAY is truth and life. All else is false, death and only lead you to destruction. Why should you wander any other way, when I'm the only path you need to take. Keep your eyes upon Me."
When Jesus appeared to his disciples after his death and resurrection, Thomas was missing from the gathering. When the other disciples told Thomas of Christ's visitation, he wasn't impressed, and said "I'll believe it when I see Him and I can touch Him and know He's real."
A few days later, he had the chance to be face to face with Christ, and it was obvious that Christ was forgiving of Thomas' doubt, as he placed Thomas' hands on his nail wounds to show him, basically saying "Thomas, why do you doubt me? Why do you doubt my words? Why do you doubt my love? You lack faith."
God has forgiveness for lack of faith. He proved that with Thomas. That gives us a bit of a safety net, I believe, as we are human, and we are susceptible to doubt. But that doesn't give us an excuse to look down from the high wire. The net of forgiveness is there, but we still need to get across to the other side of the wire. There is a reason why we are told to "not look down" as when we do, we lose the focal point.
Thomas is my twin. I find myself subconsciously searching for a sign, a proof of existence if you will. One moment, I'm good with not knowing what is to come. The next, I feel myself believing that I will step off the side of the earth if I can't see what is in front of me. Thomas was one who constantly struggled with the ultimate struggle regarding faith of mankind: the battle between head and heart.
Oh me of little faith. Thank you Lord for forgiving me for constantly doubting You.
I leave you with the lyrics of a song by Nickel Creek called "Doubting Thomas."
What will be left when I've drawn my last breath,
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who know me?
Will I discover a soul-saving love,
Or just the dirt above and below me?
I'm a doubting Thomas.
I took a promise,
But I do not feel safe;
Oh, me of little faith.
Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face,
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward.
If there's a master of death, I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power.
I'm a doubting Thomas.
I can't keep my promises,
Cause I don't know what's safe.
Oh, me of little faith.
Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie?
Can I be lead down a trail of dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die?
Please give me time to decipher the signs,
Please forgive me for the time that I've wasted.
I'm a doubting Thomas,
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothin's safe.
Oh, me of little faith.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Good Music
I just bought the new Allison Krauss and Robert Plant duet album called "Raising Sand."
I'm am thoroughly impressed. I am in love with this album and I'm only on the 5th song.
If you don't have it - go get it. Its fascinating.
I'm am thoroughly impressed. I am in love with this album and I'm only on the 5th song.
If you don't have it - go get it. Its fascinating.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Discouraged
I'm sorry that I've been so distant this last month. I honestly haven't had the time or energy to write. But I've also been afraid to write. I'm not exactly sure as to why. Just some insecurities creeping up on me. I've typed a few entries and then given up on them shortly before posting.
These days are interesting. I'm finding myself in a twist of emotion that I feel very guilty about.
I have dreams and things to do to pursue those dreams, but my time is consumed with other activities. I find myself spending most of my time cleaning up after my toddler, washing and folding clothes, unloading and reloading dishwashers, cooking meals, putting 5-piece sippy cups together (yes we finally are on sippy cups, and I don't know why they are so complicated either - don't the manufacturers know that moms have a million other things to do besides reassemble sippy cups?), paying bills, call utility and insurance and credit card companies because their invoices are incorrect, grocery and supply shopping, vacuuming, bathing dogs, mopping the floors, picking up things out of place, etc. Even when my child is napping, I'm doing things for my husband, such as calling the realtors, or checking grammar on his emails and reports.
All of these things I don't mind doing. They keep our lives going. But my melancholy heart wants to have time to pursue my business.
And then on the side, my husband has 3 different ideas for other businesses. When I ask "who will run these businesses?" His reply is always "Well.....you." I quickly have to put him in his place to tell him that my heart is not in those passions of business. But he then replies with "But its a no-brainer!!!! Do you know how much money we'll make?" I don't care, honey. I've spent my whole life post poning the things that I want to do for the sake of what other people want to do. Please, for the love of God, I just want to do what I want to do.
We found out a few weeks ago that our landlord is selling this house that we are living in to her sister and that we must be out by June. House hunting has kicked into high gear for us now, but unfortunately, even in this slumped over housing market, we can't find anything that is going to fit our needs. I'm hoping that one day soon, the Lord will provide us with something that is so blatantly obvious to be our home that we can't deny. This little town doesn't hold much hope.
In my days, I don't have much time to read any more. I'm not being challenged. I'm struggling with loneliness at home. I feel forgotten. This world is passing me by and I'm just waving at the train as it leaves the station....
These days are interesting. I'm finding myself in a twist of emotion that I feel very guilty about.
I have dreams and things to do to pursue those dreams, but my time is consumed with other activities. I find myself spending most of my time cleaning up after my toddler, washing and folding clothes, unloading and reloading dishwashers, cooking meals, putting 5-piece sippy cups together (yes we finally are on sippy cups, and I don't know why they are so complicated either - don't the manufacturers know that moms have a million other things to do besides reassemble sippy cups?), paying bills, call utility and insurance and credit card companies because their invoices are incorrect, grocery and supply shopping, vacuuming, bathing dogs, mopping the floors, picking up things out of place, etc. Even when my child is napping, I'm doing things for my husband, such as calling the realtors, or checking grammar on his emails and reports.
All of these things I don't mind doing. They keep our lives going. But my melancholy heart wants to have time to pursue my business.
And then on the side, my husband has 3 different ideas for other businesses. When I ask "who will run these businesses?" His reply is always "Well.....you." I quickly have to put him in his place to tell him that my heart is not in those passions of business. But he then replies with "But its a no-brainer!!!! Do you know how much money we'll make?" I don't care, honey. I've spent my whole life post poning the things that I want to do for the sake of what other people want to do. Please, for the love of God, I just want to do what I want to do.
We found out a few weeks ago that our landlord is selling this house that we are living in to her sister and that we must be out by June. House hunting has kicked into high gear for us now, but unfortunately, even in this slumped over housing market, we can't find anything that is going to fit our needs. I'm hoping that one day soon, the Lord will provide us with something that is so blatantly obvious to be our home that we can't deny. This little town doesn't hold much hope.
In my days, I don't have much time to read any more. I'm not being challenged. I'm struggling with loneliness at home. I feel forgotten. This world is passing me by and I'm just waving at the train as it leaves the station....
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Jonah
I've read and heard the story of Jonah many times since I was a kid. But I read it again today, some of it. A couple of things....
Chapter One speaks about how God gave him a commandment to go to Nineveh to tell them about their sinfulness, and that it was going to be their ruin unless they repented and turned to God.
Jonah immediately said "Hell, no. Not me. I'm not the one for the job." His pride and disbelief caused him to catch the next ship out, and run. Once he boarded the ship, he went down to a lower deck level, crawled up on a bunk, went to sleep, and forgot about the whole thing because he was "safe" and could go about his business.
A couple hours later, he was shaken awake by the captain, telling him that there was an immense storm outside, and that he should get up to the upper deck and pray to his god like the others were doing to help calm the storm.
The crew and the captain didn't know who's god amoung them had caused the storm, so they were all praying to see which god would find mercy on them and relieve the storm. The crew finally cast lots of chance to see who was at fault for the storm - and the lots happened to fall on Jonah. He confessed that it was probably him, as he was on the run from God for a job that he had been called to do, but refused.
The fact that his God could pronounce such command over the seas for one man's guilt caused fright among the men. At first, the crew rowed desperately to get out of the waves and storm, and once they saw that their own efforts were futile, they prayed blindly to Jonah's God for relief. They saw that they needed to rid the ship of the "sin" in order to find peace - so they case Jonah into the sea. The moment that Jonah's body hit the waters and he began to sink, the sea ceased to rage.
This very miracle, prayed out of blind faith by this crew of sailors, caused them to see the power of God, and they were saved with the Lord's grace. They made their sacrifices to God and made vows to His glory.
Amazing how one man's life (Jonah) had such an impact - and he hadn't even fulfilled God's calling yet. He was in the midst of running from his God and his mission, and just his "running" was used for God's glory. The crew dropped their gods to follow Jonah's, even as Jonah was sinking to his death, or what the crew thought, to the bottom of the sea.
Jonah's path was anointed. He just didn't know it. He thought that once he escaped onto the ship that he could go catch a few hours of sleep, forget about his problem and let it pass, and soon he would be somewhere else, and not have to deal with the calling to Nineveh. Plus, what was he going to say when he got there anyway? "Repent or you'll die." They'd think he was a lunatic, right? So he was safe, and he didn't have to look like a lunatic to the people of Nineveh. But the Lord was determined to use him for His glory, for His purpose, for His mission - to save the people of Nineveh. He didn't follow the path that the Lord had for him immediately, but that didn't mean that the Lord left him at any point in his life or his journey. He was with him throughout, on the ship while he was sleeping, and even when he was swallowed by the fish on the way down to the depths of the sea.....
The casting of Jonah (the "sin") overboard is much like confessing sin in our lives - ridding the guilt and cleansing our souls for mercy from the storms that rage in our worlds. God touched these mens' lives with Jonah's sin. In our weakness, God is strong, and he uses all for His glory. If you notice, Jonah was long gone, overboard, before these men confessed their lives to the Lord. Jonah would never know that they were "saved" because of something that he had done. This is much like how we touch people in our lives .... we may never know how our lives impact those around us.
Chapter 2 next..... this book is intriguing to me.
Chapter One speaks about how God gave him a commandment to go to Nineveh to tell them about their sinfulness, and that it was going to be their ruin unless they repented and turned to God.
Jonah immediately said "Hell, no. Not me. I'm not the one for the job." His pride and disbelief caused him to catch the next ship out, and run. Once he boarded the ship, he went down to a lower deck level, crawled up on a bunk, went to sleep, and forgot about the whole thing because he was "safe" and could go about his business.
A couple hours later, he was shaken awake by the captain, telling him that there was an immense storm outside, and that he should get up to the upper deck and pray to his god like the others were doing to help calm the storm.
The crew and the captain didn't know who's god amoung them had caused the storm, so they were all praying to see which god would find mercy on them and relieve the storm. The crew finally cast lots of chance to see who was at fault for the storm - and the lots happened to fall on Jonah. He confessed that it was probably him, as he was on the run from God for a job that he had been called to do, but refused.
The fact that his God could pronounce such command over the seas for one man's guilt caused fright among the men. At first, the crew rowed desperately to get out of the waves and storm, and once they saw that their own efforts were futile, they prayed blindly to Jonah's God for relief. They saw that they needed to rid the ship of the "sin" in order to find peace - so they case Jonah into the sea. The moment that Jonah's body hit the waters and he began to sink, the sea ceased to rage.
This very miracle, prayed out of blind faith by this crew of sailors, caused them to see the power of God, and they were saved with the Lord's grace. They made their sacrifices to God and made vows to His glory.
Amazing how one man's life (Jonah) had such an impact - and he hadn't even fulfilled God's calling yet. He was in the midst of running from his God and his mission, and just his "running" was used for God's glory. The crew dropped their gods to follow Jonah's, even as Jonah was sinking to his death, or what the crew thought, to the bottom of the sea.
Jonah's path was anointed. He just didn't know it. He thought that once he escaped onto the ship that he could go catch a few hours of sleep, forget about his problem and let it pass, and soon he would be somewhere else, and not have to deal with the calling to Nineveh. Plus, what was he going to say when he got there anyway? "Repent or you'll die." They'd think he was a lunatic, right? So he was safe, and he didn't have to look like a lunatic to the people of Nineveh. But the Lord was determined to use him for His glory, for His purpose, for His mission - to save the people of Nineveh. He didn't follow the path that the Lord had for him immediately, but that didn't mean that the Lord left him at any point in his life or his journey. He was with him throughout, on the ship while he was sleeping, and even when he was swallowed by the fish on the way down to the depths of the sea.....
The casting of Jonah (the "sin") overboard is much like confessing sin in our lives - ridding the guilt and cleansing our souls for mercy from the storms that rage in our worlds. God touched these mens' lives with Jonah's sin. In our weakness, God is strong, and he uses all for His glory. If you notice, Jonah was long gone, overboard, before these men confessed their lives to the Lord. Jonah would never know that they were "saved" because of something that he had done. This is much like how we touch people in our lives .... we may never know how our lives impact those around us.
Chapter 2 next..... this book is intriguing to me.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Soon....
I apologize I've been lacking in posts in the last few weeks. I've been so out-of-pocket on life lately. So much going on. I'm anxious to get back to writing!!!!! See you all soon. Thanks for checking in!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Defeat
I'm feeling very defeated today. Mostly defeated as a mom. I can't seem to get my son to be acceptant of new things. Unfortunately he's inherited my father and brother's anxiety of "going new places" or "trying new things."
He's refusing to drink from a sippy cup at 14 months of age. I've tried repeatedly to get him to give it a shot, but he's hooked on his bottle. Advice from some very bitter bitchy moms on babycenter.com chat room say "just don't give him a choice." (What an increase to my feelings of failure as a mom..... that whole chat room experience to seek advice was a nightmare. I was told repeatedly of how he should have been off a bottle 2 months ago and how I'm babying him and that makes me a horrible mom. I mean - what??)
He has never held his own bottle. Well, I take that back - he has ONCE. But he insists that we hold it for him while he drinks. I never fought this because I LOVE sitting down with him at feeding time and snuggling and giving him his bottle. But I've never put his hands on it when he was younger to get him to hold it on his own - I didn't know that I needed to encourage this. So now I have a nightmare on my hands. He will drink from a sippy cup (kind of) but I have to hold it for him. I've tried to put his hands on it while its in his mouth, and done the whole "You're a big boy!" and clap and make big deals - but he gets irrate everytime we work on it. And if I leave him in his chair to play with the bottle and experiment on his own, its not 5 seconds before the bottle is on the floor, or he's turned it upside down and presses the rubber spout all over his tray to make the milk come out everywhere.
RAAAAR! I tried today to just take it away, but my nerves are shot from a bad day with him yesterday. I think I'll wait until my husband can be home with me so we can both enforce the rules. I hope I can count on him to help me..... Lately that's been questionable too. He has so much other stuff to do. This defeat has me feeling so alone in this stupid town. Why can I do this on my own? So many other moms can do it. I think I'll self destruct.
He's refusing to drink from a sippy cup at 14 months of age. I've tried repeatedly to get him to give it a shot, but he's hooked on his bottle. Advice from some very bitter bitchy moms on babycenter.com chat room say "just don't give him a choice." (What an increase to my feelings of failure as a mom..... that whole chat room experience to seek advice was a nightmare. I was told repeatedly of how he should have been off a bottle 2 months ago and how I'm babying him and that makes me a horrible mom. I mean - what??)
He has never held his own bottle. Well, I take that back - he has ONCE. But he insists that we hold it for him while he drinks. I never fought this because I LOVE sitting down with him at feeding time and snuggling and giving him his bottle. But I've never put his hands on it when he was younger to get him to hold it on his own - I didn't know that I needed to encourage this. So now I have a nightmare on my hands. He will drink from a sippy cup (kind of) but I have to hold it for him. I've tried to put his hands on it while its in his mouth, and done the whole "You're a big boy!" and clap and make big deals - but he gets irrate everytime we work on it. And if I leave him in his chair to play with the bottle and experiment on his own, its not 5 seconds before the bottle is on the floor, or he's turned it upside down and presses the rubber spout all over his tray to make the milk come out everywhere.
RAAAAR! I tried today to just take it away, but my nerves are shot from a bad day with him yesterday. I think I'll wait until my husband can be home with me so we can both enforce the rules. I hope I can count on him to help me..... Lately that's been questionable too. He has so much other stuff to do. This defeat has me feeling so alone in this stupid town. Why can I do this on my own? So many other moms can do it. I think I'll self destruct.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Day 6...
I know its been a while since I've posted. I've read chapter 6 twice and was stumped on what to write, honestly. The chapter speaks for itself. We are here on this earth on temporary assignment. Makes sense.
Sure it makes sense - but then, there's the pressure of reality, of getting in tune with this "purpose" we all have.
I was hesitant to write much on this chapter because of its obvious nature, but yesterday, something I read in my local newspaper prompted me to think about it in a way that I have in the past, but now with a reminded and refreshed glance.
Over the weekend, our small community lost yet another 17 year old kid to a car accident. He was a prominent figure in his school and community, and always wore an enormous smile on his face, exuding the essence of human acceptance and love, according the people who commented in the newspaper. My babysitter knew him well, and I asked her about him yesterday when she came over to watch my son for a few hours. She said the exact same thing as the folks in the paper.
What I am reminded of here is how often we lose people "too early" in their lives. Even with the recent loss of celebrity, Heath Ledger, its apparent that whether young or old, we will be called to go home with our Father when He is ready to bring us home.
My freshman and sophomore years in college called for a harsh reality with loss. I lost 2 dear friends (ages 18 and 19) in the winter storm storm 24 car pile up in Kansas City in 2000.
A few months later, lost 3 more friends to a drunk driving accident (ages 20, 20 and 21).
A year later, I lost another close friend to a car accident (and almost lost 2 other very close friends in the process) due to poorly marked roads. He was 21.
Recently, I heard of an ex-boyfriend of mine who was killed in a naval helicopter training exercise off the coast of North Carolina that went wrong. He was only 31.
My dear friend "Bo Nannie" who visits this blog is no stranger to this feeling either, especially in these upcoming months. (Girlfriend, your heart is foremost on my mind!!!!! Lean on me, and lets raise a few glasses in a few weeks! There is reason He needs are closest ones near Him!)
Life is so short. Even when speaking to someone who is 90, they feel as though everything flew by in such a short flicker of time. And this world is truly not our home, but its hard to imagine anything else as home, as this is all we've known - life on this earth. Its difficult to frameset our minds to something greater than what we see in front of us. We have to pray that we can see eternity in the eyes of God.
So life is temporary .... eternal is eternal .... and life is an assignment, a trust, a test. This is heavy weight on little shoulders. The biggest test is to keep our heads in the game, keep our eyes on the prize. I often feel panicked that I'm not going to be around long enough to finish my "job" here on earth. That's so silly because I don't really know what my "job" is, and when the Lord takes me, I will have completed what He's set out for me to do. I know that is a dizzying intellect - but that feeling comes on the strongest when I'm sitting. I can't sit long. I get claustrophobic because I'm not "doing" something. Being a mom has really slowed me down, and that's an adjustment I've had to make. I'm finally coming to grips, and I'm scheduling my day so that I have more time to do things other than "sit around" all day. I've just asked the Lord to help me prioritize my schedule to His schedule. I have to pray this every day...
What are the things that test you the most? What are some things that put a harsh reality on the fact that this is a temporary assignment for you?
Sure it makes sense - but then, there's the pressure of reality, of getting in tune with this "purpose" we all have.
I was hesitant to write much on this chapter because of its obvious nature, but yesterday, something I read in my local newspaper prompted me to think about it in a way that I have in the past, but now with a reminded and refreshed glance.
Over the weekend, our small community lost yet another 17 year old kid to a car accident. He was a prominent figure in his school and community, and always wore an enormous smile on his face, exuding the essence of human acceptance and love, according the people who commented in the newspaper. My babysitter knew him well, and I asked her about him yesterday when she came over to watch my son for a few hours. She said the exact same thing as the folks in the paper.
What I am reminded of here is how often we lose people "too early" in their lives. Even with the recent loss of celebrity, Heath Ledger, its apparent that whether young or old, we will be called to go home with our Father when He is ready to bring us home.
My freshman and sophomore years in college called for a harsh reality with loss. I lost 2 dear friends (ages 18 and 19) in the winter storm storm 24 car pile up in Kansas City in 2000.
A few months later, lost 3 more friends to a drunk driving accident (ages 20, 20 and 21).
A year later, I lost another close friend to a car accident (and almost lost 2 other very close friends in the process) due to poorly marked roads. He was 21.
Recently, I heard of an ex-boyfriend of mine who was killed in a naval helicopter training exercise off the coast of North Carolina that went wrong. He was only 31.
My dear friend "Bo Nannie" who visits this blog is no stranger to this feeling either, especially in these upcoming months. (Girlfriend, your heart is foremost on my mind!!!!! Lean on me, and lets raise a few glasses in a few weeks! There is reason He needs are closest ones near Him!)
Life is so short. Even when speaking to someone who is 90, they feel as though everything flew by in such a short flicker of time. And this world is truly not our home, but its hard to imagine anything else as home, as this is all we've known - life on this earth. Its difficult to frameset our minds to something greater than what we see in front of us. We have to pray that we can see eternity in the eyes of God.
So life is temporary .... eternal is eternal .... and life is an assignment, a trust, a test. This is heavy weight on little shoulders. The biggest test is to keep our heads in the game, keep our eyes on the prize. I often feel panicked that I'm not going to be around long enough to finish my "job" here on earth. That's so silly because I don't really know what my "job" is, and when the Lord takes me, I will have completed what He's set out for me to do. I know that is a dizzying intellect - but that feeling comes on the strongest when I'm sitting. I can't sit long. I get claustrophobic because I'm not "doing" something. Being a mom has really slowed me down, and that's an adjustment I've had to make. I'm finally coming to grips, and I'm scheduling my day so that I have more time to do things other than "sit around" all day. I've just asked the Lord to help me prioritize my schedule to His schedule. I have to pray this every day...
What are the things that test you the most? What are some things that put a harsh reality on the fact that this is a temporary assignment for you?
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Postings...
Stay tuned....I will be posting soon. I apologize I take so long in between postings. I hate that, but time runs away from me when I only have so many hours to myself in a day. I've read chapter 6 and I'm mulling it over. More to come VERY soon!!!! Thank you for your patience, and your amazing comments! This blog has been an amazing experience, and I'm enjoying growing with you all!
God bless....
God bless....
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